My Journey to Aafiyah Healing

Bismillah,
Today I find myself humbled and grateful to Allah for allowing me to experience life as He (swt) began my journey at a very young age. In the last couple of months, I find myself in deep reflection, how I came to this place, what were the milestones I had to travel to get here?

The wound is a place where light enters you, suffering is a gift within it is hidden mercy.

My childhood began my journey through the dark world, I was a stranger within a family, Left abandon in my pain, I became invisible. As time pass, I began to have openings, people of all ages began to show up and each one would leave me a lesson and comfort. At the age of 12yrs. I began observing people’s behavior. A girl going through trash looking for food, a boy with bruises and I wonder what was happening in their world to bring them pain all long I was the one silently moving through mine.

At the age of 10yrs. I began to have physical pain; it would increase as the years pass. Anxiety, couldn’t breathe, spasming in my neck. At 14yrs. another opening, I began to go to church, within the church there was a comfort, a safety which felt like a kind of energy circling me. This was the beginning of a spiritual awaking. At 19 yrs. I was taking care of elderly nuns; this would be my first connection with Mary (as). I felt a connection with her, it felt safe and motherly.

Everything about my childhood was about survival but also to teach me about human behavior.

My escape was when I married though I thought. I married and took Shahadah at 22yrs. even though I wasn’t sure if I was ready or what it all meant. I continued to have openings. 2 mos. Into the marriage I had a dream, it was about a struggle that I was in but also a struggle to come, it was also about Hijab and protection and a message to trust the process. (trust Allah).

My family began to grow but also an escalating controlling abuse. SubhanAllah!!
I spent 25 yrs. in this troubling marriage, within the marriage I spent the first 10 years raising my children, as they grew and wasn’t in need of my constant care life became lonely and isolated. My physical pain began to increase, more headaches, hard to walk. I push my way through it. Again, more openings, people began showing up, woman, teen, homeless, runaways. They were a distraction but at the same time I began to see the human condition and suffering all long no one knew what I was going through. Again, it was a silent pain I endured. In the last few years of marriage my pain took a dangerous turn, I began having panic attacks, loss of energy, was losing the ability to walk, drop 50 lbs, I felt my life was ending and I was still suffering in silent. I knew I needed out and began to turn to Allah for away out. After 6 mos. I was free from the marriage.

A new life new beginning so I thought. From this point on I began to find I was drawn to certain events.

For a while I was loss, where do I go from here, I began reading self-help books, listening to talks. Also, a desire to know this religion on my terms, I was asked to join a Tazkiyah group, where I spent 5 yrs. reflecting on Allah’s (swt) creation, it brought about a beautiful connection with Allah. In 2015 I was called to see my father, during this visit his last words triggered my past. I spent a year with flashbacks, and I knew I needed help. I turn to a psychiatrist and spend 5 yrs. with him. I determine he could not help me as I left in the same condition I walked in with. I accepted the fact I was going to be in a wheelchair in the near future as my pain increased.

In 2022 I was talking with my doctor, after hearing my story asked me to join DTR. I felt I needed to reach out to Br. Zuhair before the class, he called and gave me reassurance and a quick session. My heart felt at ease. In this class I had truths come out while journaling, I connected through 4scene. But the mirror was the most difficult as I turned away with tears. In the workshop course, I had deep releases in realignment and ART, I couldn’t stop the tears. At this point my pain level was a 12, every part of my body was in pain, I felt like storm doors open and falling on me. I knew in my heart I was where I need to be.

I join Aafiayh community, there was a lesson about Neutrality that stayed with me, I revisited several times. I was determined and persistent about my new healing journey. Constantly looking for guidance from Br. Zuhair. At the same time having flashbacks, nightmares, PTSD symptoms. A practitioner reached out to me and began giving me sessions. I began connecting the dots of my trauma, another practitioner reached out and taught me about tapping and spent several months with public tapping having layer after layer peeled away. Another practitioner reached out and taught me Muscle testing and generational trauma. I began to feel strength within myself. At the same time clients began calling me for help, with everyone I helped I found healing. I watched all the video’s Br. Zuhair shared, there was one that made the difference for me, he said in the video if you can’t say ‘forgive’ say ‘I hand you over to Allah to deal with’. That stayed with me for a while. My heart wanted to forgive but how to forgive the person that destroyed my childhood.

I began to ground daily in the forest and ocean, I did inner child work with my granddaughter and slowly I was able to look in the mirror and say the Affirmation and smile. During Ramadan 2023 on the 27th night I planned a night of worship by myself. Allah had another plan, I was sick and felt sadden, as I sat quietly there was an inner voice, I began to have a dialog with this voice. It was my inner child, she was in a dark cave hiding, after a while I brought her to a place of light. I notice within myself the darkness was gone and I felt a light and peace. On the day of my anniversary to Aafiyah healing I spent the day under tree in deep thought. I used Muscle testing to go back exploring generation trauma on my father’s side to find there was 10 generations of generational trauma, at that point I was overwhelmed with mercy for his brokenness and handed this burden to Allah. My heart felt a weight removed and all the perpetrators I was able to forgive. I had no more resistance, no more fight inside. From that point on as layers continue to peel away, I was able to read my pain and know what tools to use to allow it to move through. I began with a pain level 12, as I journey through Aafiyah Healing, I could feel the pain leaving. My pain level today is between 1-3 on most days. Now I can read my pain and body, use the tools to identify emotions, who and what it’s connected to and let it pass through. This journey has given me the confidence and ability to help others in their healing journey.

My journey was not only about trauma, but it was my journey to Allah.
I’m forever grateful and humbled to Allah for choosing me to be guided as I was the light within the darkness. I’m grateful and humbled to Br. Zuhair who has a beautiful heart and selflessly cares for a people’s pain.